i think i have two assholes
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
