I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
