I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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