I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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