i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
