I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize