How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
