I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize