it hurts more in the daytime
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
