I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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