Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
