with your own penis?
the condom got lost in my hair
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize