My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
