i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
