I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
