I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
