you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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