Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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