Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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