There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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