Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
