"it" just moved
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
