Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
