I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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