I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
