I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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