Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize