I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
