It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
