I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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