They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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