I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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