RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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