I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
