you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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