haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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