It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
