he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
