I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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