remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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