it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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