i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
