You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
