Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
