You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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