lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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