I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
