i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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