dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
