ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
