Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
