Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
