And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
