If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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