we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
