Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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