The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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