Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
