Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
