Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
