omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize