let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
