im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
