This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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