True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
